10 ways to keep your house for sale longer

There are lots of tips for selling a house quickly but here's some simple advice to make sure your house stays on the market for as long as possible:


For scary dog maximum effect,
I suggest Pit Bulls (actual dog
encountered while showing property.
He wanted us to die).



10. Have big scary dogs that you leave in the house during showings.

9.  Make it as difficult as possible to show (this could be a whole subset of tips, I suppose, like make sure that it can only be shown when the listing agent can show it to another agent, limit the hours it can be shown, have a daysleeper sleeping there...).

8.  Smoke in your house.

7.  Have lots of candles burning everywhere in the house because nothing says I smoke in a house like having lots of candles and potpourri.  Plus it gives many buyers (and their agents) actual headaches while they are in your house.

6.  Clutter.  Have lots of it. 

5.  Don't make the bed, wash the dishes, or put your dirty underwear in the laundry hamper.

4.  Keep interior bedroom doors padlocked preferably with wildlife behind them.'

3.  Turn off all the utilities because you aren't living there anymore. 

2.  Don't leave when the house is being shown.  In fact, be especially lurky and follow the prospective buyers around.

1.  Price the home really high.  In fact, base your price on what you think your house was worth two or three years ago and not on what your real estate agent tells you.