10 ways to keep your house for sale longer

There are lots of tips for selling a house quickly but here's some simple advice to make sure your house stays on the market for as long as possible:


For scary dog maximum effect,
I suggest Pit Bulls (actual dog
encountered while showing property.
He wanted us to die).



10. Have big scary dogs that you leave in the house during showings.

9.  Make it as difficult as possible to show (this could be a whole subset of tips, I suppose, like make sure that it can only be shown when the listing agent can show it to another agent, limit the hours it can be shown, have a daysleeper sleeping there...).

8.  Smoke in your house.

7.  Have lots of candles burning everywhere in the house because nothing says I smoke in a house like having lots of candles and potpourri.  Plus it gives many buyers (and their agents) actual headaches while they are in your house.

6.  Clutter.  Have lots of it. 

5.  Don't make the bed, wash the dishes, or put your dirty underwear in the laundry hamper.

4.  Keep interior bedroom doors padlocked preferably with wildlife behind them.'

3.  Turn off all the utilities because you aren't living there anymore. 

2.  Don't leave when the house is being shown.  In fact, be especially lurky and follow the prospective buyers around.

1.  Price the home really high.  In fact, base your price on what you think your house was worth two or three years ago and not on what your real estate agent tells you.

Nutcracking mornings

It hardly seems possible that it's already Nutcracker season but although my summer flowers are still holding on and Mr. Bones has only just appeared on the front door, my day is starting with a little Christmas-y Tschaikovsky.  This year's morning of Nutcracker preparation has a new twist.  Instead of just watching a retrospective of past year's DVDs or listening to the music on the iPod speakers, Mary Rollins watches a couple of videos I made with my iPhone during a rehearsal for last year's Corbin show.  Conveniently she's reprising her role as Marzipan and will be the demi-solist for Flower and may be the First Flake in Snow.  For knowledgeable Nutcracker watchers, the First Flake (my name not theirs and not to be confused with the lovely Snow Queen) is when the one lone dancer from the Corps spins out on the stage at the very beginning of the dance.  How did Mary Rollins achieve First Flake?  Because thanks to her obsessive Nutcracker watching, when it was asked during rehearsal if anyone knew that part, there she was ready to go.  She taught the rest of the choreography to all the new flakes, too. 

Mary Rollins has decided post-Governor's School for the Arts that as much as she loves ballet, she doesn't want to major or minor in ballet in college. To quote, "I can't imagine wearing pointe shoes eight hours a day for my job."  Apparently, that's the real telling point for a future ballet career.  She claims that it doesn't really matter whether or not the college she chooses has ballet or even a dance program (and no, having a "dance team" is not the same as having dance) but being a mom and knowing better,  I think she would miss it.  And so, as I research colleges for Mary Rollins (she has officially hired me as her educational consultant), I find myself looking to see if colleges have dance programs (preferably ballet) or at least their town a real ballet company that would offer adult classes and put on Nutcracker. Why?  Because even though she can't imagine being on pointe eight hours a day, she also can't imagine a life without Nutcracker.  She'll do whatever it takes to be in the Nutcracker, even if it means being a party parent.



Last year's rehearsal of Snow.  I love the little snow flurries off to the left watching
the Snow Corps.  A friend of ours who is a retired ballerina told us that hearing the Nutcracker
music brings on a minor panic attack.  I'm afraid that in the future MR and her friends will
burst into bittersweet tears of longing.

Trader Joe's...the post

This summer my beloved Lexington finally became home to its very own Trader Joe's.  It was an exciting time.  I'd say I'm exaggerating when I say exciting but it actually was.  I swear people camped out the night before the opening so that they could be first in line.  That's right, camped out like they were waiting for UK basketball tickets.  

I was pretty enthusiastic myself about our new Trader Joe's.  As consumer-worldly as I like to believe I am, I had never been to Trader Joe's.  But, I knew OF Trader Joe's.  Many a client moving to Lexington, bemoaned that as charming as our fair city is, we had pretty sad grocery shopping.  Many of these friends from more cultivated parts drive regularly to stock up on goods at the Cincinnati TJs.  For years, we could shop at Kroger and that was it.  Later, we could throw in Meier which is almost as pleasurable a shopping experience as Walmart Super Center.  I realize some people (my parents and some people I know who are originally from Ohio and Michigan, bless their hearts) love Meier but I only shop Meier's if I've hauled my parents there and need to use my time wisely.  Fortunately in the last few years, grocery shopping in Lexington has evolved to include both Fresh Market and Whole Foods and we have one of the best Farmers' Markets in the state.

In spite of my enthusiasm for the opening of Trader Joe's, it was several weeks before I finally had time to get there.  First, I delayed because I didn't want to go by myself.  Mary Rollins was at Governor's School for the Arts, Marc didn't want to go and I didn't even bother to ask Will.  Second, I was under the mistaken impression that you could only get to Trader Joe's from Nicholasville Road.  I detest Nicholasville Road shopping which would explain why I only go the Mall about three times a year and never shop at Whole Foods.

Finally, in mid-July my girl was home from GSA and we had time to go to Trader Joe's.  I think she was as excited as I was.  Off we went down Nicholasville Road.  She was driving, hooray, and there we were looking for the Trader Joe's entrance which is not quite on Nicholasville Road.  What joy to discover you can actually get to Trader Joe's without having to drive on Nicholasville Road at all!

One point for Trader Joe's.  They are so smart that they built their back to Nicholasville Road.  Trader Joe's had taken over the premises of a defunct restaurant coincidentally named Joe's Crab Shack.  I never visited Joe's Crab Shack when they were open, probably because they were on Nicholasville Road.  I must put in a disclaimer at this point that my favorite Thai restaurant in town, Planet Thai, is on Nicholasville Road which is a testament to how much I love Planet Thai -- it's no Khao Sarn in Brooklyn but still, it's pretty darn tasty! 

Point two for Trader Joe's, there were grocery carts and you didn't have to rent them.  I swear that someone told me you had to rent the grocery carts at Trader Joe's.  I had told Mary Rollins this and she told me that was one of the stupider things she'd ever heard.  She was right, I am stupid.  You do not have to rent the grocery carts at Trader Joe's.  Maybe I dreamed it along with the necessity of traveling on the N Road to get there.

We found many lovely little things at Trader Joe's:  hand made tortillas, nice pasta, lots of organic dairy products and Cookie Butter.  Cookie Butter.  I don't have the words to describe cookie butter except to summarize the label which says something like, "you have to taste it to understand" which I pointed out to Rev. Janey sounded like one of her sermons on the Eucharist.  Not to be sacreligious but the Gospel of Cookie Butter could be the basis for an oustanding sermon.

In spite of cookie butter and the great location, I was underwhelmed.  I really thought that having Trader Joe's in Lexington would change my life.  It didn't.  Even cookie butter didn't change my life, only how my jeans fit.   Disappointingly, I thought I could live without Trader Joe's just like I can live without Fresh Market and have lived quite well without Whole Foods as a part of my life (which is good as it's on the N Road).  TJs wasn't as big, or granola, or as cool as I was led to believe.  I don't think I would make a special trip to Cincinnati for Trader Joe's which I would do for Costco. 

Then, we went a second time and maybe that's the catch, it's the second visit that does you in.  I've been told that smoking pot is like that -- nothing happens the first time, but the second time you start to feel it.  The second time we went to Trader Joe's, I knew what I wanted: more cookie butter -- that first jar went so quickly, more pasta, more delicious yogurt, some sushi and those handmade tortillas that turned about to be fabulous.  And, then we went a third time in Cape Cod and bought perfect things for a picnic on the beach: luncheon meat, yummy cheese, great bread, fruits and delicious lemonade and cookie butter.  Two weeks ago, I went to buy things for a cocktail party I was hosting and suddenly, I'm a believer! I came home with two bags full of things I needed for my party that were better and cheaper than I could have gotten at the regular grocery.   A few days after my party, I was at another party (I really don't party all the time, I promise), drinking a lovely sparkling wine from Trader Joe's that my friend said was only $5.  It occurred to me that I'd never even ventured into the wine shop.  And there we were, standing around talking about all the unparalleled things we love at Trader Joe's.

I guess I just had a bad first date.  Sometimes that happens.  You've heard the hype, you have the expectations and then your world is still firmly planted on its axis--nothing changed.  You give it a a second chance and there you go...it's love. 

PS we avert our eyes when we walk past the cookie butter. It's a banned substance in our house.